10 Tips for Keeping a Relationship Strong During Deployment

Male service member video chatting with a female and a child via computer

Now that your spouse has deployed, you might be wondering how that will affect your relationship. You want to remain close, but you are not sure how. Fortunately, there are things you can do to nurture your love such as:

  • Talking about your feelings
  • Planning how to stay in touch
  • Sharing daily happenings
  • Sending care packages

Whether this is the first time or the 20th time that your spouse has been called to active duty, relationships become stressed when a spouse serves away from home. But that doesn't mean the relationship has to suffer. Here are some ways to nurture your love through the ups and downs of deployment:

  • Talk about your upcoming separation. Set aside some quiet time to talk about your feelings and plan how each of you will manage during your time apart. You can make this time special. If you have children, get a sitter and spend a few hours alone with your spouse in honest, open conversation. Don’t ignore or dismiss your feelings.
  • Discuss how you will stay in touch. Explore options, such as email, phone calls, video-chat and regular mail. Talk about which forms of communication make you feel closest and which options are most easily accessible.
  • Keep busy and stay active. The more fulfilled you feel, the better you will handle separations and difficult times. Participate in social outings and clubs. Connect with other military spouses. If you have children, keep them occupied and on track.
  • Share daily happenings from home. Hearing about your life (even the everyday routine) will help your deployed spouse feel closer to you. Talk about what your children say, what your pet did, the unusual dinner you prepared. Details and descriptions will make these conversations more than just small talk.
  • Learn about your spouse's job and other interests. Learn what your spouse's daily life is like to help you better understand his or her experiences while you are apart. Though your deployed spouse may not be able to share some aspects of the job, you can talk about other activities that keep him or her occupied.
  • Send care packages. It may sound old fashioned, but sending a care package never goes out of style. Care packages deliver a little piece of home to your deployed spouse. Be creative. Include treats, funny notes and items that have special meaning for both of you.
  • Record your thoughts in a journal to share with your spouse. You may want to keep an online journal with pictures your spouse can access over the internet. This is a great way to nurture your love while keeping your spouse up-to-date on life at home. Just be sure the journal is private, since you don’t want your life’s details available to the public.
  • Share songs that remind you of your spouse. Listening to songs that bring back happy memories keeps you connected and helps nurture your relationship.
  • Send handmade, personal coupons to your deployed spouse. Coupons are a fun way to get your spouse to think about what there is to look forward to after deployment. Your coupons might be for a special dinner or a backrub when your partner returns home, or it could be for time off from a chore, like emptying the trash.
  • Be realistic about communication. Keep in mind that your deployed spouse may be in an area with limited mail or email service or cannot respond right away. Remember, sporadic communication doesn’t mean your spouse doesn’t care.

Since each couple is unique, every spouse will deal with deployment differently. With a little planning and thought, couples can keep that special relationship solid by expressing love in a variety of ways until the family is reunited.


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